How long after a separation and subsequent divorce before someone moves on with their life? It has now been over 5 years since the separation and almost a full 3 since the divorce was finalized. And yet... here I am, still having to fight for what's right for my daughter. Still dealing with harassment and torment in every aspect that comes with dealing with him....
Yes, I know, I picked him. I know that this is my fault. I have accepted that I chose to bring this chaos into my life. However, I had no idea how bad it would be.
I won't lie and say that I was innocent in everything. I was young when we married, I didn't know anything about a marriage or how to make one work or what was expected. You could probably classify me as a terrible wife. I'm ok with that. People make mistakes. People marry people who aren't right for them. That's why the divorce rate in this country is so high; people rush into this type of serious thing without thinking it through. Nevertheless, people choose divorce and move on with their lives.
In the last 4 days alone, I have been told I would have the cops and DHR at my house everyday, I have had the police come to do a "welfare-check" on my child because her father allegedly served me with papers and I was refusing to let him speak to her (couldn't be further from the truth), and recorded him asking her if everyone was "being nice to her at home". What. The. Fuck.
This is just a drop in the bucket as to what things have been like for the last 5 years. This is ongoing and constant. He has screamed sexually explicit things about me in parking lots in front of her for years. He has threatened to take her away on an almost monthly basis. He lies to her and fills her head full of garbage and tells her I don't love her or want her. He doesn't take care of her when he has visitation with her. He tries to get my husband to hit him all the time. He has tried to spit on us.
But I'm the bad parent?
It's all too much sometimes. I'm so tired of the dramatics. I'm tired of being scared to parent my child, tired of being worried if he'll take something she says out of context and twist it around to be horrible and take custody from me, I'm tired of constantly looking over my shoulder.
When does it end?
Just tonight she asked me why her last name isn't the same as the rest of ours. She said she feels left out. And God, I would give anything to change it. My husband loves her like his own; he parents her with me, he raises her with me, he takes care of her and provides for her in ways her own father never has. And yet, he will never have the luxury of the courts viewing him as her father because the scumbag that donated his sperm to her wouldn't have it.
That same scumbag is well over 13k behind in child support, hasn't contributed to any medical bills in her entire life, doesn't support any extra-curricular activities, cannot even feed her healthy food... but yet he gets to cause scenes and harass my husband and I any chance he wants and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.
I thought the laws were in place to protect people like me. I was wrong.
I wonder how much more I can take. Because with the way things are looking now, it isn't going to get any easier. His behavior won't get any better. I just don't know what to do anymore.
